I WILL HAVE YOU ARRESTED AND THEN I WILL SUE YOU!

DEAR VANITY SIZING BASTARDS:

Okay, I know I've lost a lot of weight and I know I don't have an A+++++ relationship with my fat ass, but for fuck's sake, there is NO REALISTIC REASON THAT I SHOULD BE WEARING A SIZE EIGHT IN CALVIN KLEIN. PERIOD. Either I have some pretty severe body dysmorphia or you guys are big, fat stinkin' liarfaces. I'm guessing it might be the latter, considering that I am still about 25 15 lbs. overweight. (Hey, is there any crime in wanting to be 5'4" & 110? I really don't think so.)

Anyway. Stop doing it, because you make online clothes shopping very difficult. I finally got my damn Macy's order from UPS earlier today and my Calvin Klein skirt is a full size too big, yet my other skirt fits perfectly. They are both the same damn size and really, they should both be a smidge snug on me because I'm pretty certain that they are juniors' sizing. (They're both marked 9/10 instead of "10.") And I'm really not so crazy insecure about my size that buying a 10 as opposed to an 8 is going to throw me into a teary mess. So stop it. Stop it now.

With love,

The Drunkenatheist